It Sucks To Be Me

Things have gone from simple to complicated to even more complicated.

First you have the boyfriend. Then the baby. Then you lose the baby. Afterwards, you lose the boyfriend.

But it turns out you didn't really lose the boyfriend just yet. You just downgraded the relationship a bit. It isn't really what you wanted, but it's all that can be offered. So you take what you're given.

You're happy, or at least you're forcing yourself to be contented with what is, even though it isn't really what you wanted per se. And you get by each day taking things as they come. You convince yourself that you're completely okay with what's happening. But are you really?

Then someone comes along and makes you feel happy. Special, even. But you can't commit yourself to that person because you're still in love with the downgraded boyfriend person (DBP). What's worse is that the new guy can't offer anything different from what has been offered by the DBP.

So you just go with the flow and enjoy the company offered by the new guy. At the same time, you try and work things out w/ the DBP. But the DBP has issues w/ the new guy. And every time you spend time with the new guy, you find the DBP taking one step further and further away from you.

What to do, what to do? You want to save the relationship (or whatever's left of it) with the DBP, but you also want to keep enjoying what you have with the new guy.

The things I get myself into just because I'm all for being happy. I swear.