Thankful, I am

How long has it been since I have last looked back into my life to count how many blessings I have in my life that I should be thankful for? I can't remember. It's been a while.

I have recently been through a major loss in my life, and I think my focus got stuck on that loss that I never got to appreciate what I didn't lose. I feel that I have been too narrow-sighted. I fear that the little one would've given me a kick in the ass for not seeing that there's still some things that I can enjoy even if he or she isn't there to enjoy it with me.

Now, I start counting my blessings:

• I am thankful that I have friends who went out of their way to help me and look after me in the hospital.
• I am thankful that I have my family who rushed to see me and care for me, even if that meant enduring 8 long hours of sitting in a bus to get to me.
• I am thankful that my years of working paid off and I had maternity benefits to tide me through bills and stuff that needed to be dealt with while I had no income.
• I am thankful that I have my partner, who held my hand and assured me that we're going to get through the loss together.
• I am thankful that I have wonderful co-workers who were sweet enough to check up on how I was doing, even if they didn't really need to do so.
• I am thankful that I am still alive even after having bled that much. The recurrence of the heavy bleeding was a cause for concern, but I pulled through from it just fine, and I am thankful for that as well.
• I am thankful that I am back to normal (Wait, was I ever normal? :P) and have been given the permission to return to work. Now I have a means to support myself again, and I get to keep my mind occupied to stop myself from wallowing in negative thoughts.
• Lastly, I am thankful that I had the opportunity of carrying that baby inside of me for the short 3 months that we were together. I am only sorry that he/she had to leave so soon and he/she didn't get to meet the wonderful people that I have in my life.
  

I'll have my chance in giving you a brother or a sister in the future, little one. But for now, I am thankful I had you, for whatever short a period that was. I love you, baby.